The First of April, MDCCCLI

•The Muses’ Lexicon•


Words from T. M. M.*

*See below.

Aeiou (pronounced A-E-I-O-U): The Muse of Procedural Specifications; a quietly (indeed, mutely) competent person.

Bo: The Muse of Miscellanea; a cow, or, more properly, a female aurochs.

Cocoapelly: The Muse of Melodies and Malicious Merriment; a fairy first known to the wild Indian tribes of southwestern North America, although his fame has since spread world-wide.

Cocoanino Territory: The home of the Muses.

Chad: The Muse of Ironmongery, as well as Extremely Intricate Machines.

Crraw: The Muse of Regrettable Verse; a crow, raven, or rook, depending on how he is drawn. Pwt’s quarry and Aeiou’s interpreter.

Devil: Cocoapelly’s puppy. He first appeared in The Muses’ Magazine in October of 1841, as part of a complicated and ultimately ineffectual scheme by Crraw and Aeiou to improve Cocoapelli’s behaviour.

E. R. C.s: Excruciatingly Roseate Coneys. See below, if you dare.

Excruciatingly Roseate Coneys: Demons disguised as peculiarly tinted rabbits; the less said about them, the better. Worth walking 10,000 miles out of your way to avoid.

Feather: The Muse of Herbaceous Borders and Edible Vegetation. Cocoapelly’s favourite foil; not, perhaps, the shiniest apple on the tree, if you take our meaning.

Inflammablamablous: An adjective that one inventive reader of T. M. M. coined to describe her excitement upon the arrival of a new issue, and another defined as “so unbelievably wonderful that it could quite possibly spontaneously explode into fireworks.”

Informiferous Æther: The medium, devised by Chad and Aeiou by application of Fairy-science, through which the Muses keep watch on Earth and beneficently influence the actions of unwitting human beings. Some of the dust particles you see swirling in sunbeams are, in fact, components of I. A.

Mimi: The Muse of Social Graces. In Australian aboriginal legends, mimis are shy but usually helpful and friendly invisible spirits who taught early human beings useful skills and crafts.

Muser: A reader of T. M. M. (which see); the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals.

Pies: Cocoapelly’s pastry of choice, which he bakes for his closest friends hurls with humiliating accuracy, often at Urania.

Pwt: The Muse of Animals, a native of ancient Egypt, although his fame has since, &c. He is often seen attempting in vain to catch Crraw in a net, presumably because he dislikes Poetry, or enjoys Taxidermy.

Tarts: Feather’s favourite treat, through which, for some reason never yet satisfactorily explained, he insists on drilling holes.

Tenrecs: Pointy-snouted insectivorous mammals of Madagascar, first described by Mr. Gray, now Keeper of Zoölogy at the British Museum. All readers of The Muses’ Magazine find them irresistibly endearing, and so do we.

T. M. M.: The Muses’ Magazine, or, in full, The Muses’ Magazine for Extraordinary Young People (although “T. M. M. F. E. Y. P.” would not constitute much of an abbreviation).

Urania: The Muse of Astronomy. One of the original Greek Muses, she left her home on Mount Helicon for the more salubrious climate of Cocoanino Territory, little reckoning on having to conduct her scientific investigations between volleys of Cocoapelly’s pies.

Followed by a Few Words Indigenous to the Museion

Cake: a mild oath, so called because cake is reckoned to be an inferior variant of pie.

Cocoa-nspiracy: The worldwide hordes of T. M. M. readers dedicated to executing plan “Plainly Innocuous”; as you well know, being considerably more than neck-deep in it yourself.

Dread Phrase, the: “Remember, we are all Musers here.” Universally acknowledged to be true, but usually interrupted by pie-throwing whenever anyone endeavours to pronounce it.

en, enself: An epicene pronoun often used by Muses who do not know, or prefer not to specify, whether they are referring to a man or to a woman. Nominative and accusative, en; possesive, ens.

G. & P. A.s: Great and Powerful Administrators, viz., Professors Kuntz, Spector, Baker, and Lasley.

Lady Coneyful: An affectionate sobriquet designating Professor Lasley.

M. U. A. R. M. T. R.: My Utmost Apologies for Remarking Multiple Times in a Row.

Museionites: Inhabitants of the Museion.

“Plainly Innocuous”: The code name for Musers’ plan for World Illumination.